I'm thinking about committing suicide.
Great, let me help you.
Well, this is probably something I should do alone. Isn't that what the "su" in "suicide" means? Like "by yourself" or something?
Of course, I get what you're saying. I just meant I could help you come up with ideas. I love watching those complete makeover shows.
Well, okay.
Great. Ok, so what about a bridge?
What? Jump off a bridge? No way, too high, scared of heights.
Ok, ok, no problem. How about shooting yourself?
You know how hard it is to get a gun these days?
I thought you still lived in Soundview?
Yeah, but they're gonna think I'm a narc!
Okay, I get it, no guns. Okay, what about jumping in front of a train?
I couldn't live with the guilt of slowing down all those commuters. I hate the MTA as it is.
Ok. What about gassing yourself?
My oven works sporadically. I could only get one burner going the other day. The oven sucks.
Okay. What about strangulation?
Brings back too many bad memories.
Overdose?
Where am I gonna get a prescription like that? I already sleep too much.
Cutting your wrists?
I just cleaned my apartment.
Wow, you aren't leaving yourself many options....
I know.
Well what ideas do you have?
How about an umbrella that has a canteen connected to it, so that when it finally rains in the desert you can collect some of that water?
That's a great idea! Brilliant! I would totally buy one of those!
I just worry about it getting struck by lightning.
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