Men want to kill themselves, woman are suicidal

                             Hi honey, how was your day?

                             Great.  Everything was great.

                                 That's great.

Yep, everything is great.  My morning was great.  My breakfast and lunch were great.  My afternoon was great.  I wish I were dead.  My evening was great.  Everything in my life is great.

                     Wait a minute.  Did you just say something about sex?

Suicide by Death

                             I wish I were dead.

C'mon, you haven't even touched your dinner.  At least order some dessert.

                         Would you folks like any dessert?

                        I'll have the death by baked apples.

                        Excellent choice sir.  And for you madam?

                               Can I just have the death?

Are You Suffering from Severe Depression?

                 Are you suffering from severe depression?

"Suffering?"  Am I "suffering"?  I mean "suffering" is such a dreadful word, don't you think?  Isn't it kind of heavy, to say I'm "suffering"?  Hey!  Everybody!  I'm "suffering" from severe depression!  Look at me!  The "sufferer"!  Here I am, I'm here, "suffering" from severe depression.

                               Are you enjoying severe depression?

                                    Well, it's got its downside.

JFKill Yourself

                    Another famous person just committed suicide.

                      Oh, you mean that guy from that show?

Well, yeah, him too, but I was thinking about that girl from that movie.

                               Oh yeah.  I forgot about her.

             That's like the thousandth person since JFK shot himself.  

                                 Serious.

                                      I mean famous person.

                                    Seriously.  

Paperwork in the Doctor's Office

               Please answer the following questions about your health history.

                                          Ok.

                            Are you depressed?

                                    Yes.

                       Are you anxious or suffering from panic attacks?

                                        Yes.

                              Are you suicidal?

                                                     Yes.

                            Would you be interested in receiving help?

                                     Yes.

                          Would you like to be helped today?

                                   I'm busy.

The thing

                             Is that a picture of you with your wife?

                                        Yeah.

                              Why is she covered with grass?

                                 We're at the cemetery.

                                       She's pretty.

From the Loblolly

                                      Were you ever abused?

                                         You mean by someone else?