Brush with Death, Floss with Grief

                     Hey!  Watch it!  You almost got hit by that train!

Dont' worry, I know what I'm doing.  I'm just measuring my steps.

                                           For what?

(Sigh), don't you know that the people with the highest success rates for suicide are the ones who plan it out in advance for quite some time.  Do you think I want to fail at this too when I've failed at everything else?

Hey, no offense but your breath isn't so hot right now.  Do you want a mint?

Often times people that make spur of the moment attempts on their lives end up maimed, hospitalized, institutionalized, or worse.

                    What about a little mouth wash?  Just 30 seconds of gargling.

I'm not saying that the plan doesn't lay dormant for sometime.  But there has to be a plan.  That's just the way it is.  If you want to commit suicide you've got to plan it out.  

I'm sorry, I know this is an awkward conversation we're having, but what about just cleansing your palate with some fresh sherbet?  It's so refreshing.

I wish I could, thanks.  But I just need to work on this plan some more.  I've set aside this time to rehearse the steps that will lead to my death.  I don't want to mess it up.

                                Oh my gosh!  Did I just step in somebody's gum?!

You Were Right

"You were right."

You have no idea how often those three words pop out of my mouth or run through my mind as I think of you throughout the day.  I'm always thinking of things you said, things you taught me, wisdom you passed my way.  I see your words fulfilled all the time in my life.  You discerned so much.  I'm still living off your insights.  You were brilliant.  Your mind was from the future.  I'm still catching up with you.

And in a moment you were gone.  Left; forever.  No more to give me.  No more help.  I've got a limited supply of your wisdom, and it fades each day with my feeble memory.

You were always with me, and now you're always gone.  You couldn't handle the clouds.  You couldn't bear the darkness.  You couldn't live with you.  You couldn't live at all.  You decided to go.  You decided to leave.  You knew what you were doing.

You were right.

Same Sex Suicide

So people are getting on my case because I want to commit suicide.

Ugh, I'm sorry.  There are still so many closed minded people today, aren't there?

I know.  Just because suicide has traditionally been held to be wrong and unaccepted by society for hundreds of years; just because lots of ancient books speak against suicide; just because it's different from the norm.  Why can't people just accept me for killing myself?

I know.  Especially since you were born this way, with depression even from when you were a child.

                                   So true.

And do you know there are even organizations that try to convert people like you who were born suicidal or live a suicidal lifestyle?  They try to brainwash us that suicide is a choice, and that we should choose to live instead of following the path we believe is right for us.

                                 So sad.

                                I know.

                                    Hmm.

What about you?  Are you suicidal?  Or wondering if you might be?

               Not really.  But I am starting to explore polygamy.

           Really?  Well, it sounds like you might be suicidal after all.

What's Fair is Rare

(Deep in the subconsciousness of man..)

                             I'm thinking of committing suicide.

                         Sweetheart, no!  You can't be thinking like that!

                    Why not?  I'm in pain.  I have terrible depression.

                               But suicide is wrong!

                             But I also have cancer.

                             But think what it will do to us!

But I also have Parkinson's.  And vulvodynia.  And chronic fatigue.  And ALS.  And Alzheimer's is setting in.  I'm dying slowly already.

                              But it's immoral to commit suicide.

But I'm going to be dead soon anyway.  And I'm in debt.  And I hate you and I hate me.

But what about the Society to Prevent Suicide and organizations like that?  Our culture says suicide is unacceptable.

                     That means nothing to me.  I'm in pain. I'm suffering.

                       And what about what people will think?

                  But these people can't help me anyway.  They simply do not help me.

                Well you should not, absolutely not, commit suicide.

Well I guess I'll just live with my pain and catatonic depression and suicidal thoughts and hopelessness and guilt and shame and overwhelming self-loathing and hatred and darkness and endless clouds 

                               That's a good girl.

                                          ...

Also sweetheart, can you help me get this splinter out of my thumb?  It's killing me.

A Parent Suicide

                       Yeah, so he died of apparent suicide.

                       Was it his mother?  Or his father?

                                  Huh?

                                     Which parent?

             No, they think he committed suicide; the guy that we're talking about.

                            Well what about his parents?

     What the heck are you talking about?  Who said anything about his parents?

                   You did.  One of them committed suicide you said.

                   I don't even know if the guy's parents are still alive!

                        Well at least one of them isn't!

                           What do you mean?!  That's pure speculation!

                             You said it was suicide.

                       HE committed suicide!  The guy did!  The guy!

                         I thought you said it was a parent?!

                   It was apparent!  They said the cause was apparent suicide!

            So the parent's suicide caused his suicide.  This is what I'm asking!

                                 Oh I give up!

                                    Well so did he.

                           Just.. stop talking.

                                    ...

                              So obviously he was depressed.

                              Yes, he obviously was depressed.

            I'm sure.  Was he depressed because of what happened to his parents?

                             Can we change the subject?

                                 Of course...

                                 ...

                                   Did he have kids?