Keep Cool and Drool on the Table

                                      How you coping with old age?

                 Eh, I'm dealing with it.   "It beats the alternative," they say.

                                           Not always.

                                               Oh.

                                         You look good actually.

Thanks.  I'm trying to keep the wrinkles away by keeping cucumber slices on my eyes.

                               That's cool.  How's that working for you?

It starts out good each morning, but then I usually end up tripping and falling down the stairs.

Open Your Mind To Close-Mindedness

So we're thinking about putting you on an anti-depressant that may increase risk of suicide.

                                  Of course you are.

                              What do you mean "of course you are"?

                             How long have you been on this type of medication?

                                  I'm not on this type of medication.

                                       That's what I mean.

Good Pills for the Plane

                             I'm thinking about catching a flight.

                               Oh, yeah?  Leaving town for a while?

                           More or less.  At least to stretch my legs.

                                            Cool.

                             I need something to calm me down on the ride.

                            Most people take a tranquilizer or something.

                           Whatever, I don't care, so long as I wake up in time.

                                        For what?

                                  For my flight.

I got an "A" in recess

                                 I think I'm supposed to die.

                              Why do you say that?

                                          Ever hear of rat poison?

How Long Does It Take For Antidepressants to Start Working?

                 Thank you for putting me on my new antidepressants doc.

                                   Of course.

                    How long will they take to start working?

                                      Not too long.

                                   That's good.

Just long enough for you to be able to contemplate suicide for several weeks, and to work on a plan to carry it out.

                                            Oh.

                                   Months maybe.  Actually.

In Case of Emergency, Break Heart

                     I wish you would have given me some kind of warning.

                                          It was on the label.

Buried Alive

                        Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime.

                                     Sure (not really).

                                 Great.  How about tonight?

                       I can't, I'm really buried right now at work.

                                    That's okay, I like my women buried.

                                   (Did he just say that?)

                         (Did she hear me?  Or should I say that again?)

The Pill Packs ill

How's it going on the new meds?

                       Good, great, wonderful, heavenly.

                                              That's great.

                     Yeah, it's like heaven on earth.  Like I died and went to heaven.

                                       I'm so happy to hear that.

          It's like I just died, like just now died, and now I'm dead, and I'm in heaven.

                                  I hear you, that's terrific.  So good to know.

In fact, it's like I'm dead right this second, and like I'll be dead, and it makes me want to die again and again and again and stay dead like this forever.  Death is the answer for me.  So thankful to have a pill that packs such illumination for me, to see death as the answer.  It's a pill of death, because death is what I need, it's what I crave.  My life is death.

                              Well, I'm gonna go ahead and get going now.

                                 Yeah!!! That's what I'm talking about!!! Let's get going!!!