Hell's Chicken Scissors

                                What are you watching?

                      Just watching an episode of "How I Found Your Mother's Body."

                                      That's cool.

                            We can change it to something else if you want.

                                  If only we could.

Paying My @#%$! Geico Bill

          Ring Ring

Hello, thank you for calling Geico.  My name is Wurfton, how may I help you tonight?

Oh hello Wurfton.  Thank you.  I would just like to pay my bill, but I have a question first.

                             Certainly sir, what's your question?

                    Well, I've just got my new insurance card in my hand here.

                                             Uh-huh.

And it's just that you guys keep putting my deceased wife's name on the card along with my name.  My wife died over four years ago, and I've talked to you about this, and it just causes me so much pain to see her name on the card, every time it comes her name is still on the card, and it just really causes me all this pain to read her name every time the insurance cards show up.

Oh sir, I'm so sorry about your wife, and I'm so sorry about the card.  Let me just check and make sure of the right way to take care of this and we can take care of it right away for you sir.

Thank you Wurfton.  I mean, I've asked you guys several times to take her name off, it just causes me so much pain to see the name of my dead wife on the insurance cards.

                  I completely understand sir.  Could I just put you on a brief hold?

                                      Sure.

                                     (Holding.... )

                                        (Holding.... )

                                             (Holding...)

                                             Sir?

                                              Yes Wurfton?

Yes sir, I spoke with my supervisor, and it will be no problem at all to take your wife's name off the card.  I can do that right now for you sir.

                                       Leave it on.

Whole Wheat Cotton Candy

                  Hey man, I didn't know you smoked.  When did you start?

                          I've been doing it second hand for years.

Fries with Mozzarella and Brown Gravy

                       Man that was a depressing sermon.

                             Imagine having to sit through it.

         Hey c'mon.  There's gotta be some perks to being the preacher.

                                  Pfffft.

NYUicide

                     Man, has the weather been crappy lately.

                            Really?  I haven't noticed.

                    What?  It's been raining NYU students like crazy.

                              Oh, I thought you said I look happy.

Committed to Suicide

              Did you hear about that messed up guy that committed suicide?

                                Yeah.

                                  He did it 'cuz he was messed up.

                                 Yeah.

                       Did you hear about that sweet girl that committed suicide?

                               Yeah.

                           She must have been messed up.

                                Yeah.