Preventing Suicide

    Sitting in front of the television one evening

                              "And now this important message:

                     "Have you or a loved one committed suicide?"

                       "Are you thinking about killing yourself again?

                             "If so, it may not be too early to find help."

                         "Coming up next, advice for Princess Diana."

                I'm really glad they do things like this to help people like us.

                             Yeah.

March to Prevent Suicide

                  Are you going to the March to Prevent Suicide?

                            Prevent it from doing what?

                                       Huh?

                                   Oh, never mind.

                                        Oh.

                           And why do we have to wait 'til March?

Weakened Update

                            Reading the paper?

                                           Yeah.

What's new?

                     A man was decapitated by an M train over the weekend.

                                  That's terrible.

                                  Yeah.

                               But it doesn't mention if he died.

Flyin' Low

Excuse me sir, our airline has a weight limit, and I'm afraid you've exceeded it by quite a bit.  I'm going to have to ask you to step off the aircraft.

        What are you talking about?  I'm not fat.

No sir, it's just that you're weighed down by so much guilt.

                     Oh, I see.

         I'm sorry for the inconvenience sir.

            Do you have any of those peanuts?

Waiting to Bored

   

"Now boarding Zone 1.  Zone 1 passengers may board now."

                         What zone are you?

                                Zone two.

                                   Oh that's great!

                                    What do you mean?

                                    Well, I'm zone 12.

                          Oh.  Yeah, I guess I should be glad I'm zone 2.

                                     Yeah, that's great!

      "Now boarding zones 2 through 12.  Zones 2 through 12 may board now."

                      Oh wow!  This is great for everybody!

                                                     ....

Suicide Is Not The Answer

                                      Suicide is not the answer.

Unless the question is, "What's it called when you kill yourself?"