Middle Names Kill People

                         Did I tell you my gun story?

                          No.  Not really interested.

We accompanied your brother and his friends to watch them shoot their guns.  It was Christmas break.  There was nothing else to do.  Your dad was there too.

                                             Yeah.

And then they asked me if I wanted to shoot one, which I didn't really want to, but did anyway.  I think we were shooting at milk containers full of water.

                                       Yeah, I remember.

Then they asked you if you wanted to shoot one.  These were handguns.  And you said yes.  So they gave you the gun.

                                          Yeah.

I just remember, without saying a word to each other, without even looking at each other, suddenly your dad and I are standing like literally a foot behind you... close enough to grab you.  For everybody else, when they shot,  we would back up, give them room.  But for you, as soon as that gun was in your hand, we were practically touching you we were so close.

              Thanks... Now that I think about it...  that's a beautiful story.

                                          I hate myself.

Congratulations! You've seen 200 episodes!

Thank you so much everyone for reading our blog.  We could have made it 200 episodes without you, but we didn't.  So thank you all again so very much.  Also, you should at least get a T-shirt for hanging around with us for this long.

                                                       Yeah.

                                               Was that tacky?

                                           Not really.

                Okay, good.  T-shirts are available for $19.95 plus shipping.

                                      Now that was tacky.

When Push Comes to Suicide

                  So the other day I was thinking about jumping in front of a train.

                             Subway or elevated train?  Or Metro North?

                            Subway.  Does it really matter though?

                      We'll jump off that bridge when we get there.  Continue.

Anyway, you know the left side of the platform is where the train comes into the station.  So that's where you want to be if you're jumping, 'cause the train comes in fast on the left but is slower the more toward the right side you go.

                                                My head is hurting.  

So anyway, for some reason, I'm on the right side of the platform, I wasn't thinking straight-

                                     No pun intended, right?

                 So... I'm gonna jump in front of this slow moving train.

                                                 Right.

                                             And-

No, I get it.  You picked the wrong side of the platform, and when you jumped the train was moving too slow to kill you.  That's why you're still here telling me this story.

Well, yeah, that would have been the case maybe, had I even gotten to jump.

                                     Oh, really?  What happened?

Well this jerk on the platform starts pushing and shoving everybody and yelling stuff like a crazy man, so I shove him away from me and yell, "Leave me alone!  I'm getting ready to jump here!!"

                                            Wow!  That's crazy!

                                   Yeah, he could have killed me.

                                           That would have been terrible.

                                                     I know.

Happy Thanksgiving from Ratchet and Catchit

                                   Happy Thanksgiving.

                                     Thanks.

                 Do you want to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade?

                      That's not what Thanksgiving is all about.

                                       Oh, that's true.

                      Do you want to get on line for Black Friday sales?

                            No, that's not what Thanksgiving is about.

                                 Oh, I guess you're right.

                                  Wanna just stay home and watch a movie?

                             That's not what it's about either.

                                    I just wish I were dead.

                              Hey!  Now there's the spirit of the holiday.

                                         You're welcome.

Beastroy the Beastroyer

                   You know I kill rodents for a living.

                         I know.  Not sure I want to talk about it.

                               I had to kill two mice the other day.

The trap caught them alive.  They were both trapped in the box until I got there.

                                  Yeah?

                  So I flushed them, which is what I do when I catch live mice.

                              Yeah?

I noticed something very interesting as I watched them in the toilet bowl.

One of them struggled hard, swam as hard as he could, survived flush after flush after flush.  He wouldn't go down.

                                 hmm

The other one struggled for a while, but then... he gave up.  He just went down with out much of fight. Like he was accepting death.  Embracing death.  Maybe even swimming toward it, welcoming the end of his life.

What made the difference?  Why does one fight to survive and the other surrender to the end?

                      Did you ask?  Did you ask them?

                            I was too busy drowning myself.