Goodbye May

                                           I've got cancer.

                                         And I've got AIDS.

                                          I'm going to die.

                                          I've got an iPhone 4.

                                    But it's not the white one.

                                           Aw, that sucks.

Back in the saddle

                                     I'm having trouble staying focused.

                                                       Really?

                                                    What?!

Counseling parts one and two together

                                  Welcome to pre-marriage counseling.

                                         The first year is the hardest.

                                                "Really?"

                       Yeah, once you make it through the first year things get better.

 "That's great.  If we can just make it through the first year things will get better."

                                         Welcome to post-death counseling.

                                                The first year is the easiest.

                                                 What do you mean?

                         Once you make it through the first year things get worse.

   That's great.  If I can just make it through the first year things will get worse.

Punchline

                                   I don't know.  What's the difference?

                                        They don't terminate baby lightbulbs.

                     I don't think that's funny.  I don't think that's funny at all.

                                                                Jaws

Spring is in the err

                              I'm so glad I met you.

                                                                     Me too.

                                     I dig you.

                                                                   I dig you too.

No, I mean I really dig you; like, I dig you up, because you're dead and buried.

                                                                        Oh, right.

                                                 Happy Birthday SF in SS!

Screening my memory

                              The internet has killed so many things.

                                           Really? Like what?

                   Oh, so many things. If you go to my website you'll see. I blog about it.

                                         Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

                             Like you can't find good whole milk in this city anymore.

Opening the clogs

                   Man I've got so much reading to do.  I'll never finish.

                                     What are you talking about?

                                                  It's for a class.

                                                       What class?

                                               I don't want to say.

                                            Tell me what you're reading.

                                                      I can't.

                                               Oh I love Critique of Pure Reason.

The Girl with the Wagon of Poo

                                   I'm depressed. Sad.  So sad.

                                           I gots booty. Big booty.  Bootay!

                                           I wish I were dead.

                                      Buns! Bun cakes. Big ol' loaves of bun cakes!

                                        I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

                               Trunk of junk! Much junk! Trunk of elephant sized booty junk!

                             I need to die. I'm supposed to die.  It would be better if I died.

            Butt! I'm sayin' butt.  "B" "U" double "T."  More butt than a carton o' Camels.

                                  Why do I live?  Why am I here? I should just die.

                 And knockers too!  Coconuts! Mammies! Headlights! Global warming!

                                              Hey, no fair, I want an ice cream.