Non Stop Down Load

             Did you hear about the airline pilot that committed suicide by crashing his jetliner?

           No, but I did hear about the dentist that committed suicide by crashing his jetliner.

                                            Why would the pilot do that?

                                He was depressed.

                  But I mean why would he do it that way, with all those people on board?

                 It was a nonstop flight.  Some of them probably had connections to catch.

                                    Still what a waste.  All those peanuts.

                            Were there that many children on board?

                                 Hey, are you going shoe shopping today?

                                  No, there's baseball to watch.

                                    Oh that's right.  Plus you're dead.

Normally Clay Is Available

                           Hey man.

                          I hate being called "man."

                                  Why dude?

Can I Afford to Commit Suicide?

                            Can I afford to commit suicide?

                Well, that's a good question.  Let's think about it together.

                               Are you working?

                                           Sometimes.

                                    Any debt?

                                      No.

                          Dependents?

                                      No.

                                        Have you written a will?

                                          Not really.

                           Does anyone know you're thinking about doing this?

                                            Maybe.

                       Ok, let me just finish plugging a few numbers in here.

              type type type type type type

Hmm, well, yeah, I'd say you're not in bad shape to take your own life.  Especially if you go with one of our introductory packages, like something involving a train or a bridge.

                                     Oh really?

Well, yeah, I mean, once you get into pills and nooses and gas fumes, it's really going to start adding up.

                                I don't really get it.

                                    Ok, let me put that in too.

              type type type type

Everyday is Yesterday

                               Still not over your love's suicide?

                                      No.

                                    When did it happen?

                                      Yesterday.

                                        Oh...

                                                ...

                                        Again?

Pretty Depressed and Beautifully Suicidal

                         Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day?

                              Actually I'm in a long distance relationship.

                              Oh, that must be difficult.

                               For me it is.  For her not so much.

                                Really?  Why's that?

   I don't know.  She never complains.  She seems content.  She committed suicide.

                                            ...

                               Do you know when the candy hearts go on sale?

Did you lose this?

                                       Hey man, how you been?

                                          Oh hi, how are you?

                     Great man, great.  Actually I had the worst dream last night.

                                            Oh yeah?

                        Yeah, I dreamed my wife committed suicide and my life was ruined.

                                               ...

                                                  Isn't that crazy?

                                               Yeah.

                                           So what's new with you?

                                           Oh, just living the dream.

                                              Great man, great.