Klonopin me down

                                           Hello.

                  Hey!  I haven't seen you in a while.  How have you been?

I came by tonight because I know what you're going through.  These panic attacks suck your will to live right out of you, don't they?

                          Yeah, horrible.  Can't deal.  But don't worry about me.

Who said I was worried?  Do you remember when you would try to comfort me when I was in mine?  You would try to talk to me, love me, help me.  I would ask you to put your ear to my chest and listen to my heart, because I felt like my heart was going to crash out of my chest cavity.  

Yes, yes.  I would always listen but I would never hear anything except your normal heart beat.

                              This is normal.  This is how you feel now.

                               Why?  Why is it like this?  What can we do?

                                     What I did worked pretty well.

More Fun With Tourists

                              Do you know how I get to Union Square?

          Sure, but if you ask for it like that everyone will know you're a tourist.

                                       Oh?

What you wanna call it is "the U," or just say "U."   That's what all New Yorkers do.

                                        Really?  That's so cool.

                     Yeah, just ask people, "How do I get to 'U' from here?"

                               Great, thank you so much for your help.

                                Yeah, now you're getting it!!!

What's the Youngest Someone Can Commit Suicide?

                                Hey dude

                                   Yeah dude

                 What's the youngest you think someone could commit suicide?

                                   Can or could?

                                      Could.

                                         I don't know.

                                  Why?

You read about all these tragedies, kid gets backed over in the driveway by mom, kid drowns in the pool, kid shoots himself with father's gun, kid falls out of window, kid drinks something under the kitchen sink.  All of these are accidents?  None of these little kids is depressed enough to kill himself?  None?  Is that what you're telling me?

                                 Man these breadsticks are delicious.

                Yeah, I just wish the fresh ground pepper guy would come back.

Interstellar Suicide

                                    It's nice to meet you.

                                        (Wow, check you out)

                                             Hey!

                                             My eyes are up here

                                       With the rest of my head

                                                  In the noose.

                                                       Sorry.

Stepicide

                 I have a new public service announcement for the MTA.

                                                                   Great.

"When you are on the platform and the train doors open, please commit Step Aside."

                                                                                 ...

                                         I wish I could have jumped in front of that train.

                                                           This blog is sucking?

It just doesn't add up

                                I can count how many fingers I have on one hand.

I don't like Mondays, part million and one

                                Taking Mondays off is hard work.

                                                              It comes naturally for some of us.

Choking Myself To Death

                         I hate it when smokers blow their smoke in my face.

                                         Me too.

                         I like it better it when I blow my smoke in their face.

                                              Me too.

Tienes Una Soga?

                                   How's the dating scene going?

                                      Still not ready?

                               I don't really know what to say.

                           That's okay, man, you don't have to tell me.

No, I mean I asked a girl at the market if she wanted to eat me.  I thought I was asking her out to dinner.

                                              Oh.  Wow.

                                 What did she say?

                               I don't know, I don't speak Spanish.