After the After Party

                            What's a matter?  Aren't you enjoying the party?

                                   Yes, I'm having a blast...

                                           Well then what's wrong?

                                    I'm having a suicide blast.

                                   Oh that's really terrible.

I'm Sorry You've Got the Wrong Suicide

    (knock knock)

                                 Hello?

Yes, excuse me, I'm looking for my wife, she's supposed to be in one of these rooms hanging herself...

I'm sorry buddy, you've got the wrong suicide.  This room is where my wife is overdosing on tranquilizers.

               Oh wow, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, that's cool.  I get it - sometimes we get so busy with our schedules that we can walk in on the wrong suicide.

                                   Yeah.  True.

So, um, by the way, is there anyone around here that's, uh, doing a hanging today?  Or am I like totally in the wrong...?

Yeah, truthfully I've only seen OD's and wrist-slitters in these rooms today.  And I think there's a gas stove lady in the kitchen.  But you might find some hangers in the closet.

                   Oh, that's funny.  Can I use that?

                           Sure, I guess.  Use it where?

                   I don't know.  Maybe stand up night at the coffee shop.

                                 Now that sounds suicidal.

Let Me Help Us By Helping Them

                         What's your father's phone number?

                  Oh, that's really thoughtful.  He'll be glad to hear from you.

               I only need it to contact him, in case, you know.... you do something.

                                         ...maybe just text

Top Ten Things People Will Ask You When You Tell Them Your Loved One Jumped Off a Bridge

Ok, Top Ten Things People Will Ask You When You Tell Them Your Loved One Has Jumped Off a Bridge.

                                       Cool.  I'm ready.

                                    Number 10

Which bridge?

Number 9

Which bridge?

Number 8

                Which bridge?

 Number 7

Which bridge?

Number 6

Which bridge?

Number 5

Which bridge?

Number 4

Which bridge?

Number 3

Which bridge?

Number 2

Which bridge?

Number 1

Which bridge?

Original Disney DVDs (ODD)

                     Cardboard sign:  "Anything helps"

             Hey man, can you spare a dollar?  I'm not gonna lie to you, I need a drink.

What is a drink to him whose life is a barren and blighted desert, all hope of quenching his thirst gone forever, burned by the wind, scorched by the sun, beaten with the sands of what were once his own life?

                     Woah, man.  You're in worse shape than I'm in.  You need a drink.

                                         What flavors do you have?

Apriling to the End

                Are we gonna watch the complete season series together?

           That's quite a commitment.  Not sure I can be here for the whole thing.

                    Oh, really?  Well maybe we shouldn't even start it.

                                    It's up to you.

                           Why can't you commit to the whole series?

                             I know how its going to end.