Pastor Commits Suicide in the Pulpit

                         Do you think God gets depressed?

                               He made you didn't He?

Fomb Dropper

What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb?

A lightbulb can't commit suicide.

What's the difference between a shark and a lawyer?

 A shark can't commit suicide.

What's the difference between Hellen Keller and an incarcerated Chinaman?

Helen Keller can't commit suicide.

So you've heard these all before?

Tell me about it.

Dead Certified Clothing

Hey, that's some outfit you're wearing!

Thanks, it's dead certified.

Dead certified?

Yeah, Dead Certified Clothing, the DCC lifestyle.

What's that about?

It's all the rage.  You can buy pre-owned clothing that has been certified to have been worn by a person who is now dead. 

Wow!  Does it cost extra?

Of course it costs extra!  Especially if you want the death I want, which is self-inflicted gunshot wound blouse.

Damn!  That's some serious fashion!

It's the only way to get that shoulder tone that I'm feeling!  You feel me?

Word!  Do they have sweat pants from asphyxiation?

You mean the brown round?  Of course they got 'em, but they move fast.

Yo I'm gonna jump on that hard!

Fool!  I wouldn't be caught dead in that shizit nizzle flamblam fookie shap!

Look behind you.

Up Here I'm Dying

If you carve a potato into the shape of a penis you end up with a dictator.

Thanks for waiting until I was dead to start your stand up.... career.