Reading the Mail

Dear Catchit,


Thank you for applying for a position at our firm.  We took care to review your credentials thoroughly and have come to the difficult decision that you have not been successful on this occasion.


Your application will be placed on file for six months.  Should a position become available that we feel would be a good fit, we'll be in touch with you.


After the six months, your application will expire.  At that time you will be eligible to reapply with our firm, at which time we may take care to review your credentials thoroughly and come to another difficult decision that you are still unsuccessful.  After that second difficult decision we will place your second application back into our files for a second set of six months.


So you get the idea.


Again, thank you for your interest in employment at our firm.  And please accept my best wishes for your future, both for the next six months, and the six months after these six months.


Sincerely,


Ratchet
Director, Human Resources

Bronx Pride

                            Gimme a B!

                                                                         B!

                                    Gimme a X!

                                                                      X!

                                     Gimme a B!

                                                                         B!

                                     Gimme a Otch!

                                                                             Otch!

                                     What's that spell?

                                                                               B!

                                                                                   X!

                                                                           B!

                                                                            Otch!

                                       Woooorrrrdddd!!!!

Time Machine: Victors of Ancest

                                         Where are we going?

                          I need to find my Uncle Nylon.  He might know why I'm like this.

                                            Why would he know?

                                     I don't want to think about it.  I'll know.

                                                 Where is he?

                                           Harlem, 1970, in a poop patty.

                                                   Be careful.

                        "poopf"

                                       Uncle Nylon?  Uncle Nylon?  It's me Ratchet...

                                             Munch crunch munch munch

                                            Uncle Nylon?

                                        I'm eating human diarrhea.  Let me be.

                                    Uncle Nylon, what happened?  What happened to me?

                   It's not a question of happened to.  It's a matter of happened for.

                                            Wait!  Wait!  Wait!

                                                  Uhhhhhh

                                 What happened?  Are you ok?  What did you find out?

                                I need to eat a sugar donut right now.  Or jump off a bridge.

Coming up M.D.

                              Hello Doctor, thank you for seeing me.

                      Well I'm here to help.  Now what seems to be the problem?

                                    Well, my brain is a giant wiener.

                                I see.  And how long has it been this way?

                                  Well, it wasn't always this way.  I used to be normal.

   Sure, sure.  Well, just to encourage you, lots of people have giant wiener brain problems nowadays.

                                       Really?  That is encouraging!

                  And we are able to treat them with treatments that are measurable.

                            Wow!  That sounds so meaningful.

     It sure does.  Now I do have some colorful candies that I can give you for your problem.

                                             Ok, sure.  Do they work?

                           Well, like I said, they have a degree of measurable effect.

                                                 Ok.

        Now, I want to warn you that there are a of couple warnings that I need to warn you about.

                                      Ok...

        First, these candies might actually make the wiener brain even more giant more often.

                                           ...wait...i... i don't understand...

  Of course, right?  We get that a lot.  Second, they may make the wiener brain permanently irreversible.

                                          ...oh my...but-

        Also, they almost always make the wiener even bigger before they ever shrink the wiener.

               (Tears begin to flow.)

                                            ...i...i just don't think-

                    Wait, wait, let me just tell you, I have a brother who's an attorney-

                                Oh yeah?  And the candies helped him?

                                No, no, I'm just warning you not to mess with me.