I'm Sorry You've Got the Wrong Suicide

    (knock knock)

                                 Hello?

Yes, excuse me, I'm looking for my wife, she's supposed to be in one of these rooms hanging herself...

I'm sorry buddy, you've got the wrong suicide.  This room is where my wife is overdosing on tranquilizers.

               Oh wow, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to interrupt.

No, that's cool.  I get it - sometimes we get so busy with our schedules that we can walk in on the wrong suicide.

                                   Yeah.  True.

So, um, by the way, is there anyone around here that's, uh, doing a hanging today?  Or am I like totally in the wrong...?

Yeah, truthfully I've only seen OD's and wrist-slitters in these rooms today.  And I think there's a gas stove lady in the kitchen.  But you might find some hangers in the closet.

                   Oh, that's funny.  Can I use that?

                           Sure, I guess.  Use it where?

                   I don't know.  Maybe stand up night at the coffee shop.

                                 Now that sounds suicidal.