Considering Suicide? There's an app for that!

                              What are you doing?

                                    I'm considering suicide.

                                        Why?

                   Well, it's just something I think I should do, or "commit."

                            But that's a really big decision.

                                          I know, right?

                      Yeah.  Have you really thought about it?

Yes I have.  Especially with this new app on my phone.  It easily lets me look at potential locations like bridges to see if they're too crowded with other jumpers at the time.  It lets me make a list of potential loved ones I need to notify with a message, and it'll even send the message for me at the time of my choosing.  Plus it will let me post everything to my social media page once I'm past the point of no return.

                          That's totally cool.  Totally worth the 99 cents!

              I know, right?  Also, it's got this future feature.  It's called "Grief-i-fy."

                           What's Grief-i-fy?

Well you know those apps that let you see how you will look in twenty years or twenty pounds or whatever?

                                         Yeah?

Will this app lets you see what your loved ones will look like in the days ahead as they cope with your tragic loss.  So in a way you get to be there for them even though you're the reason why they're gonna be there in the first place.

Brilliant!  I mean, these app designers have really thought of everything.  Are there any suicide prevention apps?

              Hey, hold on a second, ok?  I've got just a couple more melons to slice.