No living rat king here

                                   My new business venture idea:

                              Free left shoes if you buy the right one at full price.

Stem sell research

                          When I see a woman with great legs

                                        I think to myself

                               It would probably hurt to get kicked by her

Better Seinfeld Finale

                        Man I feel so lousy.

                           Why?  What happened?

Well I was on the bus, and I was trying to be nice and let this person get off ahead of me, but instead of saying, "Go ahead boss," I accidently said, "Go ahead burn victim."

                       That's weird.  Was the person a burn victim?

                                    Yeah.

                                     Oh...

                                    Yeah...

                                Yeah, you should feel lousy.

                                         Yeah.

Male Pattern Suicide

                          I'm contemplating suicide again.  It's inevitable.

                  Bigger penis!  Longer lasting erection!  Male enhancement now!

                           I hate myself.  I hate myself.  I want to die.

                           Elephantine boner!!  Longo schlongo!!

                     I wish I were dead.  I wish I were born dead.  I wish my parents were born dead.

                       Big penis good!  Bigger penis gooder!!  Size matters!!!

                          My pain is too much to bear.  Only death can help me now.

                   Male enhancement for longer, stronger, erectile blaster master!!

                    No one will understand either way.  Much better to let them move on without me.

          Cockstar!  Cockadoodle!  Whale cock on acid plus infinity and big stuffer!!!

                     You won't miss me, at least not forever.  You'll be better off without me around.

            All natural schwing, king of schwing, Captain Bacon and the yoke twins!

            Please forgive me for what I'm about to do.  I'm doing this because I love you but I hate me.

           Big bird and the monster cookies!  The bald avenger!  Sausage and peppers!!!  Add some inches to that ruler!!!!!

    Hey!  How about a cooking show where contestants prepare the final meals for death row inmates!

Today's Winning Numbers

                                    Rats are intelligent.

                                      Intelligent creatures commit suicide.

                                     Cats are intelligent too.

Reverend Doctor Ratchet and Catchit

        Hi, I'm looking for pastoral care, spiritual healing, that sort of thing.

                    Which type of pastor were you looking for?

                        Which type?

                    Well, we have the pastor who can't be bothered,

                     the pastor who can't be trusted,

                          the sexual deviant pastor,

                          the angry and bitter pastor,

                     the pastor more consumed with his career,

                      the manipulative pastor,

                             the sociopath pastor,

                        the pastor who wants to ride a bike with you,

                           and we have one witch doctor...

                     Oh brother.  I should just go start my own church.

                      Nobody wants a pastor whose wife committed suicide.

Sharing is caring, and shaving is probably a good idea

                            I'm not sure what I was thinking

                                 Thinking about what?

                                          I'm not sure

                                 Not sure about what?

             You know they're expanding the West Side of Manhattan...

                  Really?  They're moving Central Park one block east?