Two become One

                                  I can't take care of myself.

                                     I have depression.

                       That's okay, I'm here to take care of you.

                                         Thank you.

                                 Don't mention it.

     The passage of time; things have changed, for the worse.

                  I can't take care of myself.

                                 I have depression.

                                      That's okay, I'm not here to take care of you.

Bad News

                                I've got some bad news.

                                           What is it?

                                 Well, no, it's not really bad news.

                                            Okay.

                                                Ok.

                                          What is it?

                                   Nobody cares about you any more.

                                        Well... what do you mean?

             Well, I don't know if they don't care about you anymore.  It's just that...

                                             What?

                               Well, no one wants to hear about you anymore.

                                               Oh?

                                  Yeah, like, they act weird when I bring you up.

                                        So what do you do then?

                                  Well, I guess I stop talking about you.

                            But you don't want to stop talking about me?

                 No! Of course not!  I totally love when I get to talk about you.

                               What is it that you want to talk about?

                                        Oh, I don't know.

                               What do you say when you bring me up?

                                           I don't want to talk about it.

First Date

                                 This is a nice place, huh?

                                Very nice.  Have you eaten here before?

                               No, but I've heard a lot of good things about it.

                                         Hmm.  It's nice.

                                        How's your steak?

                                   Good.  Very good.  How's your salmon?

                                      My wife hanged herself.

           Uhhhmm... You know what? (Ahem)  I'm just gonna catch a cab, 'cause...

                                    I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  Please-

   No, don't be sorry.  It's okay. It's okay.   It's just that I remembered that I've got that thing.

                                   Can I call you maybe

                    No no, it's okay, it's okay, just finish your salmon.  It looks great.

                                      It is great salmon.

What the hell are "boot straps"?

                                       I

                                            only

                                        have

                                         galoshes.

                                                   The end.