Happy Halloween from Ratchet and Catchit

                                                You still haunt me

Detached Row Houses of Soundview, Lovely View, Garbage Included

                                You still live in Soundview?

                                              I...

                                  in Soundview.

                               Same detached row house?

                                    Still detached.

Thinking of You This Weak

                                   Just an anniversary card.

                  It was 20 years ago tonight that you first attempted to take your own life.

                  I barely knew you, but we were in the same circle of friends.

The next day I didn't see you around.  I asked where you were and heard you were rushed to the hospital last night.

Of course, the story was circulated that you had had a bad reaction to your medication.

I guess that's one way to put it.

So I found out what treatment center you were in, and I started writing you letters.

And that began our friendship, which led to our romance, which led to our marriage.

                                Which led to my suicide!

                         Oh man, we almost sounded sweet there for a second.

                                   Almost as sweet as ever

How I Found Your Mother

                         Hey, what are you watching?

                             "How I Found Your Mother"

                                   What's that?

                Just a sitcom.  This dad comes home one day, and-

                 Oh yeah, I've seen that before.

                                 So have I.

The last time for the last time

                 When's the last time you thought about committing suicide?

                    Probably like five years ago or something.

                                Really?  Wow!

                               Why?  What about you?

                            Oh I think about it every day.  It gets obsessive sometimes.  I'm desperately trying to stop.

                                      Really?

                                         Yeah.

                               Hmm.

                                    So how'd you quit?

Through the Primrose

      If you're going to plagiarize me then at least spell things correctly.

                    "... then... at ... least ... spell ... things.... correctly..."

                                                  ...

                                         Is there a comma?

Brush with Death, Floss with Grief

                     Hey!  Watch it!  You almost got hit by that train!

Dont' worry, I know what I'm doing.  I'm just measuring my steps.

                                           For what?

(Sigh), don't you know that the people with the highest success rates for suicide are the ones who plan it out in advance for quite some time.  Do you think I want to fail at this too when I've failed at everything else?

Hey, no offense but your breath isn't so hot right now.  Do you want a mint?

Often times people that make spur of the moment attempts on their lives end up maimed, hospitalized, institutionalized, or worse.

                    What about a little mouth wash?  Just 30 seconds of gargling.

I'm not saying that the plan doesn't lay dormant for sometime.  But there has to be a plan.  That's just the way it is.  If you want to commit suicide you've got to plan it out.  

I'm sorry, I know this is an awkward conversation we're having, but what about just cleansing your palate with some fresh sherbet?  It's so refreshing.

I wish I could, thanks.  But I just need to work on this plan some more.  I've set aside this time to rehearse the steps that will lead to my death.  I don't want to mess it up.

                                Oh my gosh!  Did I just step in somebody's gum?!