It's getting dark in here

                                     Man, everybody's been depressed lately.

                                        I don't know what it is.

                                     I mean, I know what it is for me.

                                        What is it for you?

                                         Oh I don't know.

Two for five dollars

I need to make a cereal bowl with a see-through bottom so I can keep watching the commercials when i drink the milk.

                                    Or at least two eye holes.

                               See, I told you you'd be better off without me.

                            It's just like starting over.  So much potential.  A new life.

                           Especially now with my idea for the new type of cereal bowl.

                                       You're welcome. 

The talk

                                        Well...

                                 We should probably talk about your death...

Thank you doctor

                             "My wife was on life support for five days

                                   And all I got was this lousy T-shirt."

                                   Wait, wait, no I got one, I got one.

                                       "Knock, knock"

                                     Who's there?  My wife?

                                     Nonono, I say "my wife."

Careering off the cliff

                               So you're thinking about changing careers?

                    Yeah, well I think I've gone about as far as I can go with poop wiping.

                                     Yeah?  You can't get any deeper into poop?

                                                Not really.

                             But it's always good to have poop as an option right?

              Oh yeah, to be able to fall back on poop, that's comforting you know?

                              So you're thinking about switching from poop to suicide?

                                  Yeah, I think suicide is something I could do.

                                  Well, you know it's pretty competitive right now?

                                                Oh yeah?

                          Yeah, lots of people getting into suicide as a career change.

                                           Hmm, that's discouraging...

                                         Well, you know people follow the trends.

                                            Uh-huh.

                                      Do you have a lot of suicide on your resume?

                                                Well...

                        I mean, you're gonna have to really stand out to get an interview.

                                    Oh forget it, I'll just stick with poop wiping.

                                                  I'm sorry.

                                    (Sigh)   I should just go kill myself.

                            Hey!  There you go!  Make sure you say that at the interview!